42 Things You Shouldn’t Say on a First Date
- Wow, you look really different from your profile picture.
- That reminds me of something my ex used to say…
- That’s just like last week’s episode of Cougar Town…
- Turns out it was> contagious.
- Sorry I’m late, but my other date ran long.
- That reminds me of something <em>your</em> ex used to say…
- What’s your name again?
- So, I thought it said lobster instead of rabbit, but enough about my cooking…
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Heroin is not addictive.
- Sure it’s not you? could have swore I’ve seen you on redtube.
- The beard? after my last date I’m not allowed to have razors.
- My astrologist told me we are wasting our time.
- My psychologist told me this wasn’t a good idea.
- Hello? yes Mom… it’s for you.
- Your shrink warned me you’d said that.
- Would have guessed you were a size 4 from the security camera footage.
- The medication helps, not really. A lot.
- You really need a better Facebook password.
- I didn’t know if I was ready to date humans again.
- I’m sorry, but this leather underwear is really itchy.
- They all agreed it was the weirdest X-ray they’ve ever seen.
- Would you cut the meat for me?
- Thankfully they didn’t allow DNA evidence back then.
- This is awkward… I thought your sister picked up the phone.
- Feels good to use forks and knives again.
- Well, it was a long time ago, and I never saw your Mom again.
- Keep talking, I just have an idea of how to beat this Angry Birds level.
- I brought an extra diaper if you wanna try…
- Should we agree on a safe word right away?
- Sorry, I’m not allowed a route that close to a high school.
- Oh crap! if anyone asks, you’re my sister, ok?
- I always wanted to know what menstruating felt like.
- Of course you could claim the reward, but then our next date would be in a <em>long</em> time.
- This could never work out… I’m Batman.
- I’m gonna need to see your passport.
- How would you like a June wedding?
- But we are going to a club, I need my sunglasses.
- I still think Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles deserved a nomination.
- I always keep my yellow Speedo’s handy, just in case.
- For real, your twin is not coming?
- Yes, I saw it on the news… You just had to be there to understand.
- Let’s do something, you pay today, I’ll get the next one.
Any similarity with real life® is purely coincidental.